Coaching to Success

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Stress

Managing frustrations at work…

Whether it be budget cuts, additional workload, staff cuts or a myriad of other concerns we are subjected to at work, emotions can be stretched and even the most placid of people can lose the plot occasionally.

Unlike positive emotions that throw out the feel good endorphins, frustration hits the core and can bring us down if we do not manage it. There are methods to help you relax, like with the ace cbd oil which is focus on natural compounds, it impacts the body positively to the mind and not only physical pain, it promotes relaxation and takes away the anxiety.

Coaching always looks for the positive in any situation and helps clients find them. That said, here we look to some of the techniques to help turn those negativities 180 degrees and find a more productive way forward of thinking.

To begin, what are the main negative emotions that hit us?

  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Worry

ANGER is one of the most destructive of our negative emotions and ultimate takes our own self-control away. In work, this can make you appear most unprofessional and does not put us in the best light especially if redundancies or promotion raises its head.

  • When it begins to rise – Cease what you are doing and breathe. Yes, it’s as simple as that. In my martial arts and yoga, it’s a great de-stressing tool as you breathe in for 4-5 seconds and out to the same count. Concentrate on this to over-ride the negative emotion.
  • Know the signs – we are aware of our own trigger signs that cause us to be angry. Understand them, recognise them and then know when they appear. From here, you then have a choice on whether you control it or let it take control.
  • View from the outside – an NLP trick is to transport yourself out of your own body and look at your behaviour from an external point of view which gives you a better perspective. Next time the anger starts to rise, step back and imagine how you will inevitably behave as if watching yourself from a short distance away. Change this picture by taking control.

FRUSTRATION occurs all too often when we feel trapped or blocked from moving forward. Before allowing the negative impact to hit you, consider the following:

  • Look back – Reflect back on another time where you felt frustrated and consider how it was resolved. Frequently they never end up as bad as anticipated so take that on board in the next situation.
  • Stop and assess – Usually we plough straight into a situation and reap the negative fallout. Before you do this, use the previous NLP technique and mentally step away. Then seek the positive elements of the given situation, look hard as there will be some.

WORRY can hit us from many directions. Whether it be staff reductions or loss of a contract, worry affects our mental wellbeing. It can stop us from taking those risks we would normally take and certainly impact our productivity levels. That’s the visual aspects and doesn’t even start to look at how mentally it affects us with stress.

  • Focus on improvement – whatever the worst situation befalls you, the sad news is it will happen regardless so no good will come from dwelling on it. Nearly 10yr ago I got cancer. It was bad and nearly beat me but here I am more motivated and positive and refuse to let it worry me that it may (or may not) return, if it does, then so be it. Rather than concentrating on the negative, look at how you can improve your situation even if it does mean taking risks.
  • Schedule your worries to another time – Seema a weird thing to say but in time-management, we learn to schedule tasks in so why not look at whatever ails you and book a future time to deal with it. Although it won’t go away, it means you don’t have to worry about it now as you give yourself permission to deal with it later.
  • Remove yourself from the fallout – By this I mean if there is bad news circulating around the office, avoid the gossipmongers as all they will do is fuel the fire of despair. Seek those who are more positive even in a crisis and feed off the positive vibes

Whichever way you look at it, it is a mindset and one that is difficult to change if you are already in the middle of a situation. Nonetheless, it is not unsurmountable and taking small steps can help you move in a more positive frame of mind.

Others may influence you but ultimately the choice, yes there is a choice, is yours to make and own. The difficulty is having the ability to see it or finding the support to see you through it.

At Coaching to Success, we offer individuals who are struggling to find the positive path and businesses dealing with bad news to help overcome the negative and move towards the positive light.

If this is something that you would like to discuss further, please contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help. You’ll get a better understanding of Neil too by watching our interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPc

Stop texting and let’s start talking…

Albert Mehrabian, professor at the University of California reported that to be truly congruent in the art of conversing, 55% comes from gesticulation/body language, 38% tonality but only 7% from the words.

Yet, how do we spend most of our time communicating? Emails, messages and text, we are losing the art of conversing!

What stops us from going up and simply talking to someone? Sometimes it is fear of saying the wrong thing, being rejected or ignored. Often, within reason, it is not so much what you say as how you come across.

Confidence is a massive factor and this is portrayed in the way we hold ourselves (55%), the manner in which we speak (38%) and finally the words we use (7%). Think of how you engage with friends or family when you are relaxed and how you laugh and relate with them.

Starting a conversation can feel quite daunting if your usual approach is to wait for someone else to instigate it. Confidence is the key and those who know me will recognise the fact that I have no problem with events, such as weddings or business networks, going up to a complete stranger to engage in a chat.

Consider the following:

  • Question don’t announce – Begin the conversation by using ‘open’ questions. “Hi, you know James then do you” will generally result in Yes/No reply whereas, “Hi, nice to meet you, so how do you know James?” will open the conversation. Closed questions start with anything that will result in a singular worded answer. Open questions normally start with what, how, why that requires expansion in their reply.
  • Humour works – Relaxed introduction of funny quips works well. We all like to laugh (mind you, if that person over there doesn’t, best avoid them!). Let things flow from the conversation and add anecdotes appropriately rather than memorising gags such as Tim Vine “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust”, (I do like that though!)
  • Show Interest – First and foremost, people like talking about their situation so be personable. Show interest in them and base your questions around things they will know, eg. Ask how they know James. Remember, this is not an interrogation so avoid drilling them with questions, ergo, a conversation sets sail.
  • Mutuality – The conversation is neither all about them nor you. You will never be able to rehearse the perfect conversation as it is a two way situation. Approach with the ‘we’ as opposed to ‘I’ scenario when it comes to what the subject matter may be and wonder what they will talk about. This change in mindset makes conversations much easier as transferable onus is on them momentarily until the banter starts.
  • Power of smiling – This may not help the crows-feet but I’d rather walk around with a smile on my face than not. Therefore, refrain from looking in horror at the person or group as if they are the main character in Jaw’s but remember this is a social interaction. You radiate warmth with a smile so let it hover naturally and when the other party talks, let your eyes and mouth smile, embrace them.
  • Taking it personally – Remember, others may be in a similar situation with confidence issues. They may have an agenda that does not include talking to you. Whatsoever the case, let it be their problem and not yours! Take on board all the ideas here and whatever the outcome, do not take it personally.
  • Less is more – Have you experienced someone giving you too many details, like how their car broke down from pick up through to technical fault. Did you feel obliged to listen? Had they simply stated they put the wrong fuel in and what a headache it caused them, we would be more interested. Brevity is the key. Keep your points succinct and refrain from including all the details, just those that are relevant to the tale.

We hide behind electronic devices and all too often I see people standing uncomfortably corners of the room, so much so, I feel architects will soon be designing dodecagon rooms so more can find a corner!

Practise makes perfect and the more you stretch yourself, the easier it becomes to recognising signs that people are open to engage in conversation.

Coaching to success use tools to explore peoples’ preferred styles such as MBTI, John Heron and Belbin then methods to help with confidence so should you or someone you know want to benefit with a direct approach, see how relaxed I am in conversation by  watching our video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco then contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help.

Let’s be clear about how to communicate…

Clear communication can be the bane of working days if not carried out correctly. In this day and age we have so many means to communicate but all too often we find haste makes waste. So as to avoid making fundamental mistakes in getting your message across, consider the following tips to help you get the most out of your communications…

In times gone by, a letter dropping on our doormat used to be received with emotional attachment. It may be good news or bad but either way, someone had spent time to write to you. It would be read front to back and maybe re-read with the inevitable answer being drafted and posted.

Today’s supersonic highway of communication means we can send a message to Australia and the receiver will have it within milliseconds. Speed now takes over from accuracy or content and the content is what makes the message clear.

Do you find yourself receiving information or talking to people finding that it is unclear what they are trying to communicate? And what of yourself, are you finding the speed of life means your message is sometimes rushed. This being followed by elements of frustration as the recipient does not appear to grasp what you wish to relay.

It may not always be that they do not comprehend what is being said. It may simply be that we are not explaining ourselves clearly. With that in mind, here are our tips towards formulating your message(s):

Communicate clearly:

  • Make it clear, well-structured, polite and easy to understand (use straightforward terminology)
  • Two ears and one mouth, use in that order! Listen to what is being said and paraphrase your understanding
  • Utilise all channels insuring the message has been distributed accordingly (Verbal, Email, Message, Telephone, Presentation, Meetings)

Timely and Accurate:

  • Remove any ambiguity, accuracy is paramount
  • Emphasise levels of importance or urgency. Remove any doubt or misunderstanding
  • Keep concise but containing the correct level of detail
  • Consider the most effective time to deliver the communication
  • Assess when best to repeat/update

Approachability:

  • Openly share information
  • Be open to questions, ideas and approach
  • Allow others to express their views and show a genuine interest
  • Change manner and terminology of delivery if recipient doesn’t initially grasp it (speaking slower or louder doesn’t work – it is often the delivery that doesn’t resonate rather than information not being understood)

Negativity:

  • Refrain from use of inappropriate language, beratement or tone
  • Use positive affirmations over negative ones
  • Actively listen to what others have to say without dismissing before they begin
  • Do not portray yourself as too busy or unapproachable
  • Desist from over embellishing or dramatizing negative facts
  • Avoid giving bad news inappropriately (e.g. using email, social media or text to give negative feedback to an individual)

The key is to keep your message clear, simple, informative, timely and without any prejudice.

Having no clear guidance, people read into what is in front of them in their own way. It depends on their mood, what mind set they are in. Without clarity, ambiguity takes control and that can lead people down a dark path that may not have even been considered.

We help organisations and individuals such as yourself to insure the message being delivered remains focused with a positive outcome. Start the first step by contacting Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help. You’ll get a better understanding of Neil too by watching our interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco

No better time to focus… Than NOW!

Whether parties are looming or seasonal jobs (such as Accounts being in high demand December/January) are upon you, while looking to find stress free ways to manage the workload, we can all fall foul to that beast we know as procrastination. One of the best ways to free from stress is to have a party with a lot of food and drinks from Oddbins.

Even as a business coach, I am not immune to the temptations of more interesting tasks or projects, especially when I’m having to deal with an area I am not comfortable with such as the Belbin Team Role position of ‘Finisher’, which is often the case for those who constantly seek new opportunities! The excitement has waned by then.

So whether you find it difficult to start a job, monitor its progress or lose motivation once the initial enthusiasm has passed, here are some great tips to keep you on track:

Mini Snacks: Ask yourself “What can I achieve in 5 minutes that will move this forward by even the smallest amount TODAY?” Then set about doing it. Scientific research shows we are more likely to actually complete a task once we set about starting it.

Emotional boost: Pick a song you really relate to for the task in hand. Some of my friends would look amazed to know that I tune into Classic FM when writing these features but I find it calming and allows me to think as there are no lyrics. Find songs that inspire you for the task in hand.

Place a Wager: Look to a friend or someone you believe can hold you accountable and place a bet with them! Make it something you actually having to suffer a loss if you don’t achieve your chosen task. Announce that you will take them out for a meal, take them to see that band they may be but you are not keen on, you will clean their house together with Exterminator Kansas City along their backyard. Create a given day/time of the following week, or whatever time scale you work to, and it is down to them to check in at that time to redeem their wager should you have failed in your objective. Great incentive because it is lack of face as much as financial or whatever the bet is.

Rewards: On a flip side, set about rewarding yourself for completing a task like pampering yourself with the help of Galumbeck plastic surgery. Make it relative to the task in hand such as I like to make a cafetière of coffee once I’ve written a feature and sit back to read the finished article. Some may have secured a big contract so look to a new car. Set the reward accordingly.

“Umm, that one”: How big is your to-do list? A valuable tip is to know what is most important and FOCUS on that. If you have a lot of things vying for position in your mind, write them all down and put them into order of priority. Then work your way through it with the full knowledge you do not have to focus on anything else as it is written down ready for you to address later.

“Bye”: Let it go, quite simply, if it is not important or it is something someone else can do proficiently, get this off your to-do list and out of your head. If passing it on, we call that delegation, which is a little different but, nonetheless, you no longer need to handle it yourself so give yourself permission to let some things go.

Gym time: If you go to the gym, you will undoubtedly give yourself a set time to powerhouse your way through a set routine. It is no different with a task. Start in 20 minute stages and work up to an hour where you will close the door on all other interruptions or distractions and fully focus, knowing you have a time frame to work to.

What’s going on up there?: Have you ever actually spent time assessing yourself? What are the main factors for holding you back? Is it a fear or lack of perceived knowledge required? Even the most confident among us have fears, myself included, but it helps to be completely honest with yourself so verbally ask “I’m avoiding this task because..”.

Coaching to Success have techniques to help you recognise yours or your team’s strengths as well as areas that you can either work on or realise they are best passed to others whose strengths lie in that given area. Don’t put off something else that can help you move successfully forward, take the first step towards overcoming procrastination by contacting Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk, where you will be assured a warm, friendly welcome and the chance to discuss how we can help not only saving time but actually achieving all those tasks.

Who took my motivation?

Motivation frequently takes a dip as holidays come to an end, change in weather, drop in seasonal sales and even though we have 9000 channels to choose from, nothing to watch on the TV! All or any of the above can impact our day to day survival and how we feel.

What drives our usually positive emotional state down? Why does our demeanour seem to take a downturn and is it pandemic because everyone else seems down too?

Here are some areas to consider:

  • Lack of a clear goal/focus – no sense of direction.
  • Negative self-talk – putting yourself down.
  • Feeling alone – Struggling with an issue or project and feeling it’s yours alone.
  • No end in sight – Workloads seem to be ongoing without a clear end.
  • Too big – Projects that just seem overwhelming.
  • Inability to start – allowing procrastination to step in.

There are countless others too but you may well resonate towards one or more of the above.

As a business coach I don’t ever suffer with lack of motivation … I stink at being a liar. Of course I too occasionally suffer from lacking in the motivation department. Fortunately for me, it never lasts too long as running motivational workshops and seeing many of our clients succeed in their goals (see above!) means I frequently get uplifted by the success’ around me.

As a result, some tips are shared here to help you get back on the motivational band-wagon for happier times.

  1. Clarity – Get the thoughts out of your head and down on paper! Literally write down lists of jobs you have ahead of you. Problems of existing projects. Areas in your life or work that are preventing you from simply moving forward. Clear your brain of all those thoughts vying for the number one spot.
  2. Music – think about it. Those tears you shed at a cinema/film/theatre. That certain piece that makes you feel sad! The opposite effect happens with uplifting music so listen to your favourite tracks, create a playlist of just them. If not possible within the work environment, take some headphones and listen whenever you get the chance and help boost those motivational feelings.
  3. Head for Wembley! – It’s scoring goals that gets the teams to Wembley. So set about achieving as many goals as you can. Start by addressing the ones you ‘want’ to achieve rather than feeling obliged to (someone else’s motivational driver) as you will subconsciously put more effort into these.
  4. Pyramid building – We look at the pyramids and think wow! But they are only one massive project that was split into millions of components. So for those overwhelming tasks, break them into separate, manageable components. I write, design and present workshops on a myriad of subjects. Although most last half/whole day, the amount of work, research and construction for each can take weeks. Before starting, I break them into manageable parts, set timeline for each and plan when I shall undertake them. Overall, the job seems smaller, it takes less time as I get on with it sooner and more efficiently as I know what I am doing for that part without worrying about the rest as that too has been planed.
  5. Stimulation – All too often we can sit and mull over what is bringing us down. We sit and feed it and sit and put things off and sit. You may notice the theme here so the best thing to do is stand, stretch, walk around a little and even go grab a cuppa, shake off the negative feelings.
  6. Plan it – Whether you prefer the electronic or written form of a calendar, write down when you are going to start and block out the time to spend on any new objective. I use Outlook for everything as either my Laptop, pad or mobile pings to remind me of whatever it was I entered and that’s the key, if you use paper system, insure you devise a way to check it.
  7. Feed me or beat me – It may not be PC these days about beating people but we’ve all heard of the Carrot/Stick analogy. Figure out what your drive is. Mine is a really nice filtered coffee and 10 minutes downtime once I’ve written these features. Scale it up according to the task in hand, as you see, I prefer the carrot as the other really isn’t my thing!

At Coaching to Success, we have other tools in our armoury to help individuals or teams achieve levels of motivation. Each are specific to our client’s needs so should you need that support, contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk, where you will be assured a warm, friendly welcome and the chance to discuss ways we can work together along with his own infectious levels of motivation.