Neil Nutburn

Jul 30 2018

In these times of uncertainty, let confidence be your guide.

Confidence can be portrayed in many ways but not all are necessarily depicting how the person really feels.Most people that know me assume I’m confident in every aspect that they see me in, but this is not always the case. The first few workshops or presentations were not always done with the confidence that others saw or that are run with now.

Let us look at areas, such as this, that show the triggers switches we need to help develop that level of confidence we wish to achieve.

Right over Wrong: Confident people will take a stance on what they believe is correct, however, unlike cocky individuals, they will also listen to others points of views/ideas. It is not a case of simply agreeing to another’s viewpoint but when evidence to the contrary is put forward, they will concede graciously. Others will categorially disregard opinions for fear of losing face.
Two ears, One mouth: Confident people know what they know and do not feel compelled to announce to all and sundry. In coaching, we use the term 2 ears and 1 mouth to initiate others to talk at least twice as much as we do. This way, you learn more without feeling compelled to brag and looking for a blanket of security. Knowledge comes from speaking to those who have the answers without preconception that you know best already!
Help!: Throughout my career, it has been believed that asking for help is a sign of weakness but this could not be further from the truth. Confident people are secure in their own knowledge and unafraid to ask for help when it comes to areas they feel weak in. This request for help quantifies you are not afraid to show you need assistance and you respect them for the knowledge and expertise you seek to acquire.
Oops! That’s mine: “honest Gov, it was their fault!” owning the mistake actually lifts levels of sincerity and honesty in the eyes of others. As well as the confession, confident people will use their errors as a beacon for others to avoid and if the jokes on them, then they will smile and joke along with the rest.
Seeking approval: How many contacts do you have on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, LinkedIn or any other Social Media channel? The more the better, yes? Nah! Quality over quantity is always the winner and earning that respect or trust from a few important people is always better than seeking approval from thousands of people you don’t know. Confidence is about standing out from the crowd and not bowing to peer pressure.

Confidence is about self-worth and belief. We are inundated with adverts on how we should look, what perfumes/cologne or clothing brands we should buy to make us appear more attractive. In reality, confidence comes from respect and trust of others in you and, more importantly, a self-belief in yourself and your abilities.

Remember, never assume that what you know or do at work is less than another. Believe it or not, there are others who look in awe at what you do!

This is but a beginning, the start of building your levels of confidence but should you be looking for help in developing confidence through these and other tools, contact Neil for an informal chat to see how we can help you on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help.

You’ll get a better understanding of Neil too by watching our interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPc.

Jul 16 2018

Managing frustrations at work…

Whether it be budget cuts, additional workload, staff cuts or a myriad of other concerns we are subjected to at work, emotions can be stretched and even the most placid of people can lose the plot occasionally.

Unlike positive emotions that throw out the feel good endorphins, frustration hits the core and can bring us down if we do not manage it. There are methods to help you relax, like with the ace cbd oil which is focus on natural compounds, it impacts the body positively to the mind and not only physical pain, it promotes relaxation and takes away the anxiety.

Coaching always looks for the positive in any situation and helps clients find them. That said, here we look to some of the techniques to help turn those negativities 180 degrees and find a more productive way forward of thinking.

To begin, what are the main negative emotions that hit us?

Anger
Frustration
Worry

ANGER is one of the most destructive of our negative emotions and ultimate takes our own self-control away. In work, this can make you appear most unprofessional and does not put us in the best light especially if redundancies or promotion raises its head.

When it begins to rise – Cease what you are doing and breathe. Yes, it’s as simple as that. In my martial arts and yoga, it’s a great de-stressing tool as you breathe in for 4-5 seconds and out to the same count. Concentrate on this to over-ride the negative emotion.
Know the signs – we are aware of our own trigger signs that cause us to be angry. Understand them, recognise them and then know when they appear. From here, you then have a choice on whether you control it or let it take control.
View from the outside – an NLP trick is to transport yourself out of your own body and look at your behaviour from an external point of view which gives you a better perspective. Next time the anger starts to rise, step back and imagine how you will inevitably behave as if watching yourself from a short distance away. Change this picture by taking control.

FRUSTRATION occurs all too often when we feel trapped or blocked from moving forward. Before allowing the negative impact to hit you, consider the following:

Look back – Reflect back on another time where you felt frustrated and consider how it was resolved. Frequently they never end up as bad as anticipated so take that on board in the next situation.
Stop and assess – Usually we plough straight into a situation and reap the negative fallout. Before you do this, use the previous NLP technique and mentally step away. Then seek the positive elements of the given situation, look hard as there will be some.

WORRY can hit us from many directions. Whether it be staff reductions or loss of a contract, worry affects our mental wellbeing. It can stop us from taking those risks we would normally take and certainly impact our productivity levels. That’s the visual aspects and doesn’t even start to look at how mentally it affects us with stress.

Focus on improvement – whatever the worst situation befalls you, the sad news is it will happen regardless so no good will come from dwelling on it. Nearly 10yr ago I got cancer. It was bad and nearly beat me but here I am more motivated and positive and refuse to let it worry me that it may (or may not) return, if it does, then so be it. Rather than concentrating on the negative, look at how you can improve your situation even if it does mean taking risks.
Schedule your worries to another time – Seema a weird thing to say but in time-management, we learn to schedule tasks in so why not look at whatever ails you and book a future time to deal with it. Although it won’t go away, it means you don’t have to worry about it now as you give yourself permission to deal with it later.
Remove yourself from the fallout – By this I mean if there is bad news circulating around the office, avoid the gossipmongers as all they will do is fuel the fire of despair. Seek those who are more positive even in a crisis and feed off the positive vibes

Whichever way you look at it, it is a mindset and one that is difficult to change if you are already in the middle of a situation. Nonetheless, it is not unsurmountable and taking small steps can help you move in a more positive frame of mind.

Others may influence you but ultimately the choice, yes there is a choice, is yours to make and own. The difficulty is having the ability to see it or finding the support to see you through it.

At Coaching to Success, we offer individuals who are struggling to find the positive path and businesses dealing with bad news to help overcome the negative and move towards the positive light.

If this is something that you would like to discuss further, please contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help. You’ll get a better understanding of Neil too by watching our interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPc

Jun 18 2018

Coach, Consultant, Counsellor or Mentor … How beneficial are they?

There seems to be a general misconception that Coaching, Consulting, Counselling or Mentoring are all much of a muchness, but this couldn’t be further away from the truth.

To give it some clarity, here is a brief overview of each:

COACH

When things are tough with no visible clear path, a coach will help you get back on track. Through incisive questioning (2 ears 1 mouth approach) they will help you establish what you wish to achieve. Helping you see the difference between a dream and a goal then establish the reality of achieving it. From here, clear, timely actions are laid down to recognise and overcome gaps between where you are now and the end objective. Learning from your obstacles, your coach will help and support you with areas you are unfamiliar with or concerned of trying. Expertise in your field is not necessary (you are the expert after all) as this style is predominantly focusing on the individual and how to lift them to their highest pedestal.

CONSULTANT

Based on their learnings, they will advise on the best way they believe will help you achieve the objective for you to work on. Often, there will be a tried and tested ‘blueprint’ report that they may submit for you to work with. Specialism is the strength here so always advisable to look to someone who knows your type of business.

COUNSELLOR

Generally counsellors help you overcome historical events that are dragging you back from progressing forward.

MENTOR

A mentor will assess what you have done, demonstrate another means of doing the task, then ask you to follow suit with guidance on how to accomplish the task before you.

At different points in our career, work or life, we can benefit from each of these areas and it illustrates strength in character to recognise that you wish to better yourself.

Often we see those lacking in confidence hide behind a big front of bravado seemingly knowing how to do everything you discuss with them and have always done it better! Some of you will now be thinking of someone who fits that descriptive.

As Plato put it “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.”

Depending on what people are requiring, I will adopt areas mainly from coaching, mentoring and some consulting in areas I am familiar with. As an expert in coaching/mentoring, counselling is another specialist area and best left to those experts of which I can offer recommendations.

Identify what you need

Establish what it is that you are looking to achieve. Overcoming obstacles that stand before you with someone supporting you as you explore new avenues (Coach). Being instructed on what to do (Consultant). Overcoming issues holding you back from moving forward (Counsellor) or having guidance and shown what to do (Mentor).

Who can help you

Sometimes people you work with may be sufficient. The downside is that there is personal connectivity and this may interfere with honesty, especially where emotions are concerned. So do your research, look for those who can help you out.

Be considerate

Remember, whoever you chose to help you out is there for exactly that purpose. Respect their time and what they offer as guidance for you to improve. Whatever is agreed or worked through, insure you carry the actions out otherwise you simply waste their, and more importantly, your own time and money.

Coaching to Success are here to help you either directly or through recommendations. For you to really start on your new path of success, first contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help. You’ll get a better understanding of Neil too by watching our interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPc

Jun 04 2018

Stop texting and let’s start talking…

Albert Mehrabian, professor at the University of California reported that to be truly congruent in the art of conversing, 55% comes from gesticulation/body language, 38% tonality but only 7% from the words.

Yet, how do we spend most of our time communicating? Emails, messages and text, we are losing the art of conversing!

What stops us from going up and simply talking to someone? Sometimes it is fear of saying the wrong thing, being rejected or ignored. Often, within reason, it is not so much what you say as how you come across.

Confidence is a massive factor and this is portrayed in the way we hold ourselves (55%), the manner in which we speak (38%) and finally the words we use (7%). Think of how you engage with friends or family when you are relaxed and how you laugh and relate with them.

Starting a conversation can feel quite daunting if your usual approach is to wait for someone else to instigate it. Confidence is the key and those who know me will recognise the fact that I have no problem with events, such as weddings or business networks, going up to a complete stranger to engage in a chat.

Consider the following:

Question don’t announce – Begin the conversation by using ‘open’ questions. “Hi, you know James then do you” will generally result in Yes/No reply whereas, “Hi, nice to meet you, so how do you know James?” will open the conversation. Closed questions start with anything that will result in a singular worded answer. Open questions normally start with what, how, why that requires expansion in their reply.
Humour works – Relaxed introduction of funny quips works well. We all like to laugh (mind you, if that person over there doesn’t, best avoid them!). Let things flow from the conversation and add anecdotes appropriately rather than memorising gags such as Tim Vine “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust”, (I do like that though!)
Show Interest – First and foremost, people like talking about their situation so be personable. Show interest in them and base your questions around things they will know, eg. Ask how they know James. Remember, this is not an interrogation so avoid drilling them with questions, ergo, a conversation sets sail.
Mutuality – The conversation is neither all about them nor you. You will never be able to rehearse the perfect conversation as it is a two way situation. Approach with the ‘we’ as opposed to ‘I’ scenario when it comes to what the subject matter may be and wonder what they will talk about. This change in mindset makes conversations much easier as transferable onus is on them momentarily until the banter starts.
Power of smiling – This may not help the crows-feet but I’d rather walk around with a smile on my face than not. Therefore, refrain from looking in horror at the person or group as if they are the main character in Jaw’s but remember this is a social interaction. You radiate warmth with a smile so let it hover naturally and when the other party talks, let your eyes and mouth smile, embrace them.
Taking it personally – Remember, others may be in a similar situation with confidence issues. They may have an agenda that does not include talking to you. Whatsoever the case, let it be their problem and not yours! Take on board all the ideas here and whatever the outcome, do not take it personally.
Less is more – Have you experienced someone giving you too many details, like how their car broke down from pick up through to technical fault. Did you feel obliged to listen? Had they simply stated they put the wrong fuel in and what a headache it caused them, we would be more interested. Brevity is the key. Keep your points succinct and refrain from including all the details, just those that are relevant to the tale.

We hide behind electronic devices and all too often I see people standing uncomfortably corners of the room, so much so, I feel architects will soon be designing dodecagon rooms so more can find a corner!

Practise makes perfect and the more you stretch yourself, the easier it becomes to recognising signs that people are open to engage in conversation.

Coaching to success use tools to explore peoples’ preferred styles such as MBTI, John Heron and Belbin then methods to help with confidence so should you or someone you know want to benefit with a direct approach, see how relaxed I am in conversation by watching our video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco then contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help.

May 21 2018

And now for something completely different

As the Monty Python team put it, “And now for something completely different…”

We can get so caught up in the day to day activities of our business we forget to take a step away from what we are doing to consider alternative ways of working.

As a director, I made sure applicants from other trades and experiences for jobs advertised were considered, thus insuring a good mix when it came to opening thought streams for alternative ways of approaching a task, objective or goal.

It is challenging, especially in today’s economic climate, to be brave enough to take these chances but be assured, it is probably the least risky approach of expanding your businesses productivity, knowledge base or marketing awareness.

Frequently we stick with people from within the industry, but consider that some will leave a job because they do not get on with a particular person or, more commonly, they do not like the way they are expected to do a task. So they move to another company where, after the honeymoon period, find it is just the same there too, imagine that!

New blood brings fresh approaches. A thirst for knowledge but also to share new ideas otherwise not considered as we normally fish in the incestuous pool everyone else swims in.

Albert Einstein quoted “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. This is not to say there’s insanity in your organisation but more the fact that if you repeatedly do the same thing, the same results happen.

Much like taking a different approach to employment, have you considered some of these areas:

Giving staff the trust to work from home?
Development Change – Those you make to improve business procedures. Such as improving existing billing and reporting methods. Refocusing marketing strategies and advertising processes.
Transitional change – Those you make to replace existing processes with new processes. Such as experiencing restructures, mergers or acquisitions.
Transformational change – Those you make to reshape your business strategy and processes or shift in work culture. Such as adopting radically different technologies. Operating changes to meet new supply and demand.

Whether you are a successful business or one that is struggling to get the break, there are fundamentally 6 areas that change is needed for it to survive:

Products/Services – Do not react when something goes wrong but proactively experiment with new ranges or demographics.
Branding – Does it still reflect your business? Branding should remain consistent but that doesn’t mean you should never spruce it up?
Marketing – How ‘Alive’ is your web site? Do you use all/any of the Social Media channels? What of post? Do you actually test to the effectiveness of your marketing strategies?
Staffing – How effective are the team members? Have you assessed how effective staff are in their current role or could they improve by shifting them to another function?
Technology – These evolve quickly but it is imperative you keep abreast of communication, marketing, presentation, hardware etc.
Partners – Steven Covey put it as “Interdependency”, combining being independent with dependency. In business we need others to help us succeed. Look to network with others, open your eyes to potential opportunities.

Wherever you or your business are at, always look to do something that little bit different to insure you stand out from the crowd.

Coaching to success specialises in Change Management as well as enabling you to come up with fresh ideas you may not have considered previously so reach out and contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help. You’ll get a better understanding of Neil too by watching our interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco