Coaching to Success

Our business is your success

Confidence

When all around you seems to be collapsing…

Sometimes when things seem to go wrong, you think “Why do I bother?”. I’ve had one of those weeks where my front door key snapped off IN the door! The oven’s heating element burnt out and to top it off, the Blue Ray player decides it no longer likes discs.

All typical things that can affect our perseverance when it comes to work or home.

Why did I not give up? Partly because I could not get in to cook dinner so we could then watch a film. Seriously, it was not so much the action as the attitude! It would have been easy to have a tantrum or feel aggrieved but no. Although an uninvited hassle, resolving the situation would insure things returned to normality or, more importantly, when things really matter, improving the end situation.

Easier said than done so here are a few tips to change the mindset towards a positive outcome by ‘Perseverance’.

Believe in yourself: “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right” (Henry Ford). Give up on trying and start doing. If you have doubt, ‘Trying’ something gives you permission to fail. Believe in yourself and commit psychologically to achieving it.

Evidence based actions: I have been as guilty as others for worrying about what might or might not happen. As the saying goes, attack is the best form of defence. Rather than getting tied up in the worry, recognise it then quickly get on with it so as to reduce the build-up of worry.

Put procrastination in her place: With today’s fast moving pace, laptops, tabs and mobile phones mean we are available 24/7. Or are we? Don’t let technology or others dominate and control your precious time. Allocate time to attend to them rather than being enslaved. What is the true reality of having to ‘immediately’ answer the device as it beckons you or are you simply procrastinating?

Reflection: Each day, look back over what you have done and make a note somewhere of what you achieved. Each week or month (depending on time scales), spend time reading over your notes to re-kindle the motivation to carry on.

Automation: It may seem obvious but reduce the time spent on repetitive tasks by creating systems, templates and suchlike. Mail Merge, for example, is great for correspondence where minor differences need to be applied to what is otherwise a long winded process especially those that are required weekly/monthly.

Understanding: Avoid shying away from a task due to lack of knowledge. Do not be afraid to ask questions. Improve your understanding of the situation. This may be as simple as establishing the required outcome rather than a perceived one! If you are not familiar with something, ask those in the know. People like to share their knowledge so never be afraid to ask someone something they will enjoy talking about.

Keep the end in sight: Goal setting along with the actions to achieve it are what Coaching to Success specialise in. Know what your ultimate goal is. Compartmentalise each element required to get there and set time-framed goals with actions for each step. It is always easier to handle smaller sections of the bigger objective and a great motivator to tick off each as they are done. Much like doing a jigsaw, one piece fits neatly in with the next and before long, you have an amazing picture made up of its several parts.

Coaching to Success work with clients to gain clarity in their end objectives. To break the bigger picture into jigsaw piece size goals and help set realistic times for each. With motivation, clarity and direction, we can help you or those you are responsible for to persevere to the end and feel the benefits of accomplishing it.

To improve your own levels of perseverance, take the first step by watching our interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco then contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help.

Why fight when you can negotiate?

Have you ever noticed how such a simple dispute can erupt into Mount Everest? As that saying goes, making a mountain out of a molehill, so why can something so apparently insignificant become such a momentous problem?

All too often what appears ‘insignificant’ to us can ultimately matter to another person(s) and the way we manage a situation can have positive or diverse effects. This is where negotiation has its strengths. But what is negotiation?

Negotiation is about coming to a mutually acceptable impasse that both parties find acceptable. We all know the saying Win:Win.

Some tasks are easy enough to trade off but others may not be so. In this case, follow this guide:

Preparation

  • Know what you are aiming to achieve and what the parties’ objective will be.
  • How will the more ‘powerful’ party affect the negotiation?
  • Based on knowledge or historic events, what do you consider to be the expected outcome?
  • What do you consider to be a fair outcome and the reason behind this thought process.
  • Gains and losses. Consider what the gains and losses will likely be from both sides, not just your own gains.
  • What’s the trade-off?
  • There may not be one simple solution. Do the homework and explore all the available options.

Rules of engagement (Not quite Game of Thrones!)

  • It can get personal but separate the person from the problem. Stick to the facts.
  • 2 ears, 1 mouth – use in that order. Ask and listen.
  • Understand the other’s views and ask to gain further understanding. Your view is not the only one (sorry, it is a fact!)
  • Respect all involved (even if you don’t like them).
  • Explore options openly without bias. Your view may not necessarily be the only or correct one – I know, it’s hard to believe but there may be a better way that you may not have considered.

Negotiation is about creating a win:win situation, not win:lose or even lose:win (refer to Stephen Covey Habit #4 from ‘7 Habits of highly effective people’).

Consider whether the negotiations are based around Distributive (where things are to be apportioned) or Integrative (where the parties are trying to make more of something) bargaining. This can be a great influencer especially if the relationship is a brief interaction or a longer term development.

Distributive can often be a short term, immediate fix for example, buying a new car so negotiation will be based around gaining concessions. An amount of time will be required to ascertain what is each side’s target price, what ideally is the maximum and minimum price for each side so effective bargaining can be made.

Integrative bargaining is normally based around the longer term relationship building of respect and trust. It looks at collaboration to reach a point where all parties work together to have an outcome that is in both parties’ interest.

In essence, we return to the preparation and to succeed in any negotiation, this is by far the most critical element as it creates the strong platform for all to work to.

Coaching to Success understand conflict resolutions and help their clients to move forward when situations come to a head. We also help clients create plans when negotiation or change is necessary to insure a smoother transition so if you or your team are looking to negotiate, contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk, where you will be assured a warm, friendly welcome and the chance to negotiate ways we can work together (integrative).

Building confidence within the workplace…

Whether it be others or the simple state of economy and job security, all too often I’m finding people uncertain about taking a risk. Which has taken an effect on both morale and confidence so how can we turn this feeling around?

What are the signs? Consider the following:

  • Making excuses or giving a reason for actions taken. Sometimes aligned to being self-conscious which in its own turn can contribute to self-doubt.
  • Being antagonistic when replying to criticism! Productive criticism, can actually boost one’s confidence if you refrain from taking it as a personal slant against you.
  • Body language! Crossed arms and legs, stand offish posture. Much along the lines of being over defensive in verbal and physical positioning.
  • Wanting things 100% as opposed to settling for anything less. If we believe that this is the only acceptable level, we set ourselves up to fail and reduce our own levels of confidence.

Now let us start the positive side towards self-confidence:

GET A NOTEBOOK: Record all good things that you manage to accomplish. By writing down everything that you do well at work or home, you will start to gain a decent level of self-confidence. Whenever you feel uncertain, open this notebook to read your evidence based notes.

BODY LANGUAGE: Consider your posture! For example, if slumped, raisr eyes forward, back straight, keep your head high.

SET GOALS: If you do not have goals, then how do you know which direction you are heading? Set goals in every area of your life. Every area! Work, personal, social life, health and fitness, and everything else that is important to you. Set goals that are very clear and have a deadline. Make them SMART (Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Relevant-Timely) too.

EXPAND: One of the simplest confidence building exercises is to expand one’s knowledge area. Try to find areas that you need to work or at home and become better at these. Once you start improving in the areas that you need, you will also gain self-esteem and confidence in your own abilities. The more you know the better you will feel. Get out of your cozy comfort zone and move to build your confidence! It’s not hard to regularly read a couple of pages from a coaching blog, watch videos or Listen to audios. Surround yourself with what you want to learn and you will become a true expert in time. With competence, comes confidence

COMPLIMENT YOURSELF: Have you ever complimented yourself on a daily basis? Talk to others about the great things you have achieved today, this week, in the past. Say things like: “I am truly amazing! Just to think of how fast I solved that problem!”, “Wow, Fred came to me to help him as he knew I could help and I did”

EXERCISE AT WORK: You will have noticed areas you do better than others. Maybe others tell you that you have a special something about what you do? Admit to yourself that you can do this better than others and commit to becoming even better at it. Read books on the subjects, talk to experts in this field. Get to know it and be seen as the go-to person.

THE MINDSET: Become a person that rarely says “No”, “I can’t do this”, “Have to”, “Must”, “I’ll do it later”.  These words are toxic for your self-confidence. Use strong, motivating words like “I will do this”, “I am doing it”, “Sure”, “Yes”, “Of course I can do it”, “I can”.

SELF-HYPNOSIS: Repeat positive affirmations. Search or create your own such as this one for the beginning of the day

 “I feel amazing! I am certain that today will be one of those days that I will remember for a long time! I feel self-confident and sure that I will do great things! I am a person who does things! I am a winner!”

Make sure that you outwardly verbalise when awakening as this is when we are most receptive or, in the past tense when we are ready to sleep and let the subconscious absorb.

Self-confidence will not happen overnight. There are many factors to take into consideration, the biggest being yourself! How much do you won’t to change? How much effort will you put into the process? How much can you believe in yourself to accomplish this?

It is not a simple journey either, otherwise you would have done this some time ago and support can also be lacking. Should this be the case for yourself or someone you know, take the first step by contacting Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk, where you will be assured a warm, friendly welcome and the chance to discuss ways we can work together along with the motivation to build that confidence to an all-time high.

Building on past setbacks. How to develop your resilience…

People often refer to how Thomas Edison persevered over others’ scepticism of his diversity. There are others, such as James Dyson, who likewise fought through challenges. Taking 15yrs, 5100+ attempts creating a bagless vacuum.

Resilience is the ability to get back up when knocked down or not going to plan. So why is it so important?

People often comment on how I overcame throat cancer diagnosed in Feb 2008. I use this as an example for most wouldn’t even know I suffered with it or the hard work it took to be able to eat the simplest of meals but this is another form of resilience. I would not be beaten, so now enjoy a wide variety of foods that otherwise I would not have had if not for resilience.

In business/life, it is critical that we neither dwell upon nor wallow on how things appear unfair. Resilient people acknowledge and learn from mistakes or situations, using this as ammunition or stepping blocks to forge forward.

Resilience is as much about the mindset and self-talk as it is about viewing the glass as half full, not empty (or as some have said, “Neil, your damn glass is overflowing”!). It is about how you perceive life and situations. We will always be subjected to knock-backs but it is how we deal with these that our strength of character and persistence originates. Here are some areas that I noticed the aforementioned people used:

GOAL SETTING: Obviously, as a business coach, I believe this to be one of the most important areas. You can set SMART goals and make sure they align with your beliefs as well as values to insure a higher chance of success.

PERSPECTIVE: put things into perspective. They may seem overwhelming but assess what affect this may have long-term. Incorporate these areas into your goals and know how to break them into manageable or relevant parts.

POSITIVE THINKING: Consider how you talk to yourself or mind-chatter when something goes wrong! Do you focus on the negative or look at it as a lesson to be learned? Convert to the positive, eg “That didn’t work” to “knowing that, how can I…”. Reframing the way you talk externally and internally changes the mindset.

SELF-CONFIDENCE: Believe in yourself and work from the success you have achieved including those at school, college, University and the workplace. Self-confident people will also learn to take risks (as did Dyson). Confidence encourages taking these necessary risks from as early as taking the stabilisers off our bikes for the first time!

LEARN: Mistakes can be painful. The first fall once the stabilisers have been removed, but we move forward by getting back on (excuse the puns) and learning from the experience. Never stop learning and always find ways to improve from reading, watching experts, observing others and taking risks.

FLEXIBILITY: Kodak, Encyclopaedia Britannica and Woolworths ignored how the world was changing. Sticking by the old format and failed spectacularly. Constantly refer back to your objectives/goals making sure they can bend to accommodate new elements for development. It is important to work to a plan, however, constantly review and change where necessary.

RELATIONSHIPS: A great asset to have in building your resilience is a strong network of friends, family and colleagues. Stephen R.Covey wrote about ‘Interdependence’ emphasising the importance on building strength through experts around us who support us in areas of uncertainty or needing help.

REACTION: Bad news or negative actions can have a devastating effect on how we respond. For example, going back to the cancer, the news was not only shocking but impacted on the future. Treatment options were considered and chosen, developing a positive plan.

SLEEP & EXERCISE: As much as releasing endorphins, which stimulate positive thoughts, exercise helps stress-management. Being in a sedentary job, I go out walking at least 5 miles per day, helping clear the mind and giving focus when I return to work. Whether it be the gym, walking, cycling, a sport or, as is my other love, martial arts, find an exercise you enjoy and insure you get quality sleep to rest your body and mind too.

This is an area Coaching to Success are well versed in so if you or members within your team are finding Resilience to be out of reach or slipping through your grasp, then contact Neil to discuss how he can help by emailing neil.nutburn@coachingtosuccess.co.uk or 07761 187238.

And why not get a feel for the person by checking out our short ‘interview’ video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco

Avoid making ‘Goal Setting’ mistakes…

In this day and age of ‘too much to do’, how often do we set off with the best intentions only to find time flies past. We start off well with apparent progress. We feel good about the progress and what lies ahead but then…

We neglect to look back at previous successes. Motivation wains and before we know it, we convince ourselves that it probably will not work anyway!

Don’t worry if this sounds all too familiar, I too used to fall foul to procrastination or setting unrealistic goals. Having learned by my own mistakes and concentrating on what obstacles are in the way of us achieving our end objective, I felt this was too important to keep to myself so happily share some of the findings with you now.

Error 1: Unrealistic Goals

Having worked in sales and being set unrealistic targets, I can really relate to this. The acronym SMART(ER) Goal Setting should never be underestimated.

Let your imagination go and allow doubt to have a say but not to rule! Once you have set a goal, step back and assess the facts to check that it is achievable and in the set time frame. Remember, “A dream is but a dream but a goal is a dream with a deadline!”.

For example, my wife decided to Walk-the-Walk (26ml through London at night in aid of breast cancer research). She did not wake up on the morning of the event and think to herself “I’ll do that”. It took months of training to obtain the right level and as a result she achieved it within her time frame.

SMART(ER) goal settings focus on being Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound and recent additions include Evaluate and Re-adjust.

Error 2: Underestimating Time

Time and valuation seem to constantly occur as being underestimated. Looking at time, think back on previous projects. How many were rushed at the end or not completed within the time frame at all?

This is one of the killers to motivation.

Look to use tools such as ‘scheduled’ to-do lists. Allocating time for the goal or parts therein. Consider project planning tools such as ‘Tasks’ in Outlook or search the web for ‘Top 10 best project management software’ to see what is appropriate.

And always, ALWAYS allow extra time in your estimate to allow for unknowns and/or setbacks.

Error 3: Not reviewing

Unless the goal is so simplistic that it does not require breaking into segments, ‘Evaluate’ where you are along the given path and then making relevant ‘Readjustments’ (See ER above in SMARTER) is tantamount to signing off failure.

If still on target, celebrate the success. The reward does not need to be high (I like to treat myself to a decent coffee and half hour break to enjoy it once these blogs have been completed) but treat yourself, acknowledge yours or the team’s success.

If not, re-adjust so the end can still be met.

Error 4: Too many goals

Once we start it is so easy to keep going with the ideas and goals but there are still only 25 hours in a day (or, so one of my ex-bosses used to believe!). Time-Management is a misdemeanour as you can’t manage time (unless you are Dr.Who) but manage what you have to do, in the time before you.

If there are many aspects to the overall goal, I use the Wheel of Progress which is a great tool to compartmentalise each section. Contact me if you wish to talk about this.

Simply, consider the ‘R’ in SMART and be realistic in what you can achieve. Success relies on quality not quantity and achievement of a few things at a time.

Error 5: Too few areas

In as much as it is important not to set too many goals, it is equally important to make sure there is a range of goals.

Doing ‘fun’ objectives that bring you joy are important to offset those ‘tasks’ that are necessary within your work goals that may not be that interesting or enjoyable.

This can be important elements to the Wheel of Progress mentioned earlier.

Error 6: Setting Negative goals

No one does this intentionally but all too often we set negative goals that affect our belief in our abilities to achieve them.

For example, to improve work life balance, refrain from setting “stop staying behind at work” to “leave work by XXX and spend more time with YYY)

Negative goals suggest we have to give something up. Look to reframe them with a ‘Positive’ outcome which becomes a more desirable objective.

Error 7: Depreciating failures

Really? I need to look and appreciate my failings?

No matter how focused you are on the outcome, reaching every goal is not always possible. With the confidence to accept this, it becomes possible to learn from them.

Each of the above areas need to be considered and worked on when setting goals/objectives.

It is not easy to give honest views of what we can achieve in the time we have due to other influencing pressures but to achieve them, all too often you need to find that strength to be truthful not only to yourself but the task ahead and the realistic time frame.

At Coaching to Success, Neil specialises in helping individuals or teams to set realistic goals and then support them through the challenges ahead to insure they are met. If you or those around you could benefit from a one-to-one with Neil to see how he can help, contact him by emailing neil.nutburn@coachingtosuccess.co.uk or 07761 187238 to discuss how Coaching to Success can help you.

And why not get a feel for the person by checking out our short ‘interview’ video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco