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Some tips on how to communicate stronger by knowing other’s preferred thinking senses!

Understanding these can assist communication channels immensely as human beings process information by using the five senses of seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting. These allow the mind to code and understand what is happening. Some will be more developed or favoured than the others and it is these preferred senses that will be used to represent their world.

Once aware of this, you can detect the preferred sense of anyone you are talking to. Then you can adapt the way you speak to enhance the other party’s understanding.

Eg Jill “I feel like he’s not in touch with his team”, Mike “I hear what you’re saying, we seem to be on the same wavelength but how do we get him to listen?” … Jill is obviously tactile whereas Mike is auditory.

Here are some commonly heard conversational clues to see which area people feel comfortable in:

 

‘Seeing’ or ‘Visual’:

  • I get the picture
  • See what I mean
  • That is colourful, coming from you
  • Show me what you mean
  • We’ll look back on this someday

‘Hearing’ or ‘Auditory’:

  • Sounds good to me
  • Clear as a bell
  • I just turned a deaf ear to…
  • I hear what you say
  • Ah, that’s music to my ears

‘Feeling’, ‘Tactile’ or ‘Kinaesthetic’:

  • I feel good about this
  • He’ll get the sharp end of my tongue
  • I cannot get a grip on this
  • I felt right at home
  • The pressure to complete was incredible

 

‘Smelling’ or ‘Olfactory’:

  • This smells fishy
  • I smell a rat
  • As sweet as a rose
  • He had a nose for which direction to go

 

‘Tasting’ or ‘Gustatory’:

  • Let us chew it over
  • Like eating a piece of cake
  • It left a nasty taste
  • She’s so sweet

 

Although the last two are rare, a further clue is that olfactory types will often sniff before they make a decision – to see if it smells right and gustatory people may smack their lips or make swallowing sounds – to get the taste.

 

EXERCISE:

As fast as you can, using the answer that immediately feels right for you, tick one from each of the three options given in the sections below.

 

I like to learn by…

(   )   Seeing how to do it

(   )   Hearing a talk

(   )   Having a go, hands-on

 

I make decisions by…

(   )   Getting a clear picture

(   )   Finding out how it sounds

(   )   Attending to my gut feeling

 

I buy things based on…

(   )   Colour, style and appearance

(   )   Its description, sound or salesperson’s patter

(   )   The feel of the thing

 

I find it easier to…

(   )   Draw a picture

(   )   Sing or hum a tune

(   )   Play sport

 

By opting mainly for the first statement, you are probably primarily visual.

Selecting the middle option suggests that you are primarily auditory.

The third option indicates a kinaesthetic preference.

 

Improved communication and productivity can be obtained by listening first, understanding the other person’s preferred thinking sense and conversing in that style. It will assist in offering clarity and a stronger likelihood that your message will be understood.

 

If you want to better understand the way you communicate to others and how you can increase engagement, contact Coaching to Success’ Neil Nutburn, email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk or call 07761 187238 to set up a meeting to discuss areas that could help.

 

Coaching to success is all about creating successful businesses, firms and organisations. We’re here to insure you succeed.

How do you handle rejection in business?

We all know rejection can be hard to handle and in services such as mine, where the open minded can see the benefits that a good coach can bring but some can’t, therefore, rejection is an element of moving forward for me and especially where people don’t really understand the benefits on offer.

You can’t avoid rejection whether it be in relationships, life or work but the positive is that it helps with development and self-education as you identify areas for adaptation and change.

More often than not though, it is the feeling that affects our emotions and emotions aren’t logical, so let’s put some rationality into the equation.

  1. Don’t take it personally – ‘Personally’ is an emotional state and often rejection makes us feel as if it is ourselves that is under attack. Self-doubt creeps in, ‘How could I have presented it better?’, ‘What went wrong?’, ‘Why didn’t they like me?’

Now look at it differently – what was it about the proposal/idea that was rejected?

Frequently it’s not about the person but the offering that is being rejected yet we apply rejection to our thoughts and they in turn connect to emotions! It’s often a simple case that what is being proposed doesn’t meet the criteria so take yourself out of the equation and then re-assess the situation.

  1. Focus on control – Those with Internal Focus believe they have control over what happens in their lives. Those with External Focus believe it’s others, chance or even fate that have control. So decide whether you will allow others to influence the way you feel or take control of it yourself.

This may sound a tad harsh but maybe it needs to be said to ourselves!

  1. Learn – Look at this logically and learn from the rejection. Whether it was simply a case of the presentation could have been better or not matching the recipient’s needs etc., gather ‘facts’.

If you can establish what the reason was (removing emotion!) for the rejection, you will be able to improve thereafter. Carry out a self-analysis of areas you believe contributed to the rejection.

Better still, don’t make assumptions, ask! Make it clear you have accepted the rejection but in wishing to learn from this experience ask what didn’t work for them. You may be surprised to find out how freely the recipient will be in giving you this information (if you’re willing to ask).

I have been dumbfounded on occasions with reasons that I simply wouldn’t have even considered. I have certainly been educated in not to assume!

In business, rejection is part of day to day activities. Your resilience to deal with it, learn from it and take action on your new found knowledge is the key.

As that old expression goes, you can please some of the people some of the time… so it’s not all about you as a person but more likely a mismatch between what or how you are making the offering and not an assault on you or your emotions!

Coaching to Success helps you find yourself, give support and offers clarity to what you are aiming to achieve with the means of getting there. For further information, simply call Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk for an informal conversation to see how we can help increase your Locus of control or other matters concerning business development.

The 9 Hit list of common time-management mistakes … Prt 1 of 2!

With so many demands on our valuable time, Coaching to Success thought it wise to share their hit list of 9 Slipups people often make when it comes to managing what they have to do in the time available!

And to insure that you have the time to follow these steps through and give them time to work, we’re going to introduce 5 now with the other 4 following in a fortnight.

1. SETTING PERSONAL GOALS

So what do you need to achieve by the end of this month? How about 3 months? End of 2015 or what about 5 years? This is one of the things that got me into coaching as I saw so many people and companies failing to look ahead. The expression “Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail” comes to mind. It is imperative to set a destination to work towards and from this, timescales become much easier to plan.

2. UNSUCCESSFUL TASK SCHEDULING

Some like to work into the early hours of the morning, others like to get up early to start. What is your most productive time of the day? Use this knowledge to set time to manage those aspects valuable to you and your business.


3. NOT PRIORITISING

“Really? How am I supposed to do that when everybody is demanding my time to do things” is a phrase I often hear. You really have to know what is important and prioritise them otherwise more interesting or, what appear, urgent tasks take grip and those that are truly important slip or aren’t managed correctly. A tool we often use is the Time-Matrix tool which helps gain priority.

4. INADEQUATELY CREATING/KEEPING TO-DO LISTS

I often say to clients “Get it out of your head and down on paper”. By creating weekly and daily To-Do lists, you help suffocate the battle that commences in our heads over all the things you need to do! No matter how you create and use a To-Do list, live by it and make it work towards #3


5. VOLUNTEERING FOR MORE WORK!

It can sometimes be difficult to say “No” when the boss or client asks for things to be done and it always seems urgent! Alternatively, maybe you’re not the best of delegators and have to be part of every activity that’s happening in your organisation? What do you actually ‘Need’ to be involved with and what can you trust others to truly handle. Be open and honest with line managers when it starts to become too much, explain when you have too many tasks but that you can do another and ask which other one you should drop?

These are just the opening statements and each one can be expanded to a full programme for which Coaching to Success can certainly assist in helping you maximise what you can achieve in those 24hrs in a day or 168hrs in a week. Good luck and for those wishing to join the other members of business who have excelled through engaging with a business coach, just contact Neil on 07761 187238 or neil.nutburn@coachingtosuccess.co.uk to see how a little time can produce amazing
returns.

 

How does ‘Procrastination’ effect your business’ success?

I’ve got to put my hands up and admit that I am a procrastinator, but I recognise this fact and have actions to insure those tasks I keep putting off don’t get shelved until the last minute!

So how many of these statements apply to you?

  • I usually have to rush to complete tasks on time.
  • I avoid important tasks on my to-do list and fill my time doing low-priority work.
  • When I need to do something that may be a little tasking, I put it off until I feel more inspired.
  • I frequently find myself doing things I had intended doings days ago
  • I sit down to start an important project only to immediately go off to grab a cuppa.
  • When deadlines approach, I often waste time by doing other things.

If, like myself, you find that some of these apply, then I’m afraid to tell you that you too have that disease known as procrastinationitist (OK, I may have made that up!).

No problems, Dr. Nutburn is here to help you…

Prescription A (Work out the WHY):

Is it simply that the job is unpleasant or boring? If so, attack it head on and get it out of the way quickly because it will just loiter there distracting you from other tasks.

A common thought process for procrastinators is that it has to be perfect! Unless you have the resources or knowledge base, it’s not worth starting is it? Sorry to say but ‘good enough’ is often just that. Your work is likely to be at a much higher standard than some so be aware of this ‘why’ and just go for it.

Is it too over-whelming or outside your comfort zone? Are your skill-sets in doubt? Accept this and go for it… you’ll surprise yourself as I often do!

Prescription B (Recognising):

Put off the low important tasks and set a time to do these later (this is prioritising!). Look at the statements made earlier and know which apply to you.

Be aware of continually re-scheduling tasks. This is okay occasionally but check you aren’t doing it regularly for the same tasks!

Prescription C (Look at strategies):

From a psychological point of view, procrastination is a habit. Habits take at least 21 days to form and we all have different ways of taken new ones on board.

Take what you can from these following tips. Try them for 3-4 weeks to insure you have a better chance of creating them:

  • Prioritise – Put jobs in order and do them in that order.
  • Peer pressure – ask someone to check on how you’re doing against set objectives
  • To-Do lists – Create orders so that those ‘unpleasant’ tasks don’t ‘accidently’ get missed!
  • Consequence vs Actions – what are the disagreeable consequences of NOT achieving the objective?
  • Rewards – Set yourself rewards for accomplishing a task. I enjoy making a decent percolated coffee as a simple reward so this doesn’t have to be big.
  • Time constraints – set a time boundary to start and complete tasks.
  • Jigsaw – Large projects can be broken down into segments. Focus on the important parts (borders) then bits that work together (colours/shapes) and then the rest (infill).
  • Try! – We sometimes assume a task will be worse than what it is. Start by simply giving it a try

So start understanding ‘Why’ you are procrastinating, ‘Recognise’ your triggers and ‘Strategies’ how to overcome them.

If you are struggling to find time to complete tasks, getting frustrated with putting things off or feeling overwhelmed by what needs to be achieved, Coaching to Success understand what you are going through so call for a free assessment by contacting Neil Nutburn on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk. We’re here to help.

How to achieve the best from appraisals

As is the nature of what I do, ie ask a lot of questions to gain clarity of thought and direction, it wasn’t surprising when I was recently asked to help a client with appraisals.

This brought about a shudder running down my spine remembering days where the big boss would hold appraisals. Or rather, interrogation, where you felt placed in beaming spotlights, asked a myriad of questions extracted from some manual that bore no resemblance to what you actually did.

Bombardment of questions with answers not even considered. A one way conversation on how you need to improve is not, I know this will be hard to believe for some, the correct way to hold an appraisal!

Remove the shackles of normality, re-look at what the appraisal should be about. This is a joint venture for all to develop better ways to harmonise the workforce. Dare I say, ways for the company/manager to also improve as a result of observations from the staff! Now there’s a thought.

Fine tune your LISTENING skills too. Avoid the ‘Why’ question (justification) and ask questions that open with What, Where, How, Who, When (exploratory), eg ‘What would the reason for this be’.

Prepare a report of the appraisee.

  • List training needs and discuss.
  • Note both what organisation and the appraise needs to do.
  • Look back – how well has the appraisee performed against set actions
  • How could they have done better?
  • Look objectively, not emotionally. Work off ‘evidence’ based aspects.
  • What hurdles did the company put in their way as well as what they put themselves
  • Look forward – what achievements are you looking for over the next 6mth/yr
  • How will you assist them in reaching their objectives?
  • Draft a report within 3 working days, both sign and conclude the process within 5 days

Art of listening

  • Show the appraisee that you are listening – look at them
  • Listen to what they DON’T say – look for avoidance around issues
  • STOP TALKING! – once asked, let the appraise answer. If there’s a pause, allow them time to process what they are thinking about.

Conducting

  • Review appraisee’s documents (ie time keeping, job description, client/customer feedback etc)
  • Allow at least half as much time again as anticipated to carry out the appraisal
  • Highlight success and initiatives taken.
  • Question how failings could be handled better (without reprimanding!)

Feedback

  • All evidence based. NOT around personality or assumed motives
  • Provide examples and not generalisation of observed behaviours
  • Ask appraisee to describe their thoughts and feelings about the impact that an identified behaviour will have (ask rather than tell)
  • As Stephen R. Covey stated “First seek to understand, then to be understood”. Use this philosophy throughout the questioning in the appraisal. Both will get so much more from it

Before any meeting, create questions under headings such as Job & Expectations, Supervisory, Fulfilment & Morale, Continued Personal Development (CPD), Teamwork, Equality & Impartiality, Communication, Organisation’s Overview, Clients/Customers so you gain a broad spectrum of understanding and this can then be analysed to create further questions at the one-to-one meetings.

If you wish to go through the process of Appraisals and want to get the best out of managing them or help running them, contact Coaching to Success’ Neil Nutburn, email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk or call 07761 187238 to set up discussions. We also have 60 incisive questions based on the above headings too.

Coaching to success is all about creating successful businesses, firms and organisations. We’re here to insure you succeed.