Conflict Resolution

Feb 01 2016

The ‘Key’ strengths of Successful Management … Prt 2of2

The last article covered areas in management concerning pleasing everyone and making time for management. Looking at setting standards, being open-minded, communication, problem solving and the art of listening.

As promised, here are the next six areas to consider when mastering the role of Manager.

Previously we looked at two areas that help towards ill-feelings that managers receive, below are another three to be considered.

Maintaining the old mind-set – You have moved on from the role you undertook but you still attempt to do the same old job!
Avoid difficult issues – Confrontation between team members; Putting off doing the reports; Making ‘that’ phone call; Meeting someone you dislike … this list can go on. Trying to ignore it isn’t the answer!
Self-belief – In the past, I thought my rapid ascension was due to luck. Was I really management material? Could I handle this next role? Well, those who appointed me believed in my abilities so look pragmatically as to why you’ve been chosen!

To continue from lessons I have personally learned as a result of seeking further academic qualifications, from experience as well as the good book of ‘How Not Too’ according to bosses I have worked with (and in one occasion, exceeded!), here are another set of clues to take on board.

Courteous & Direct – Refrain from saying one thing but thinking something else! Drop the Jeckyll & Hyde! People like you to be frank and direct about areas such as performance. Do this with humility but also remember the power of ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’
Humour – For those that know me personally, humour and raising the feel good factor is something I’ll always aspire to achieve. Don’t make a joke of the person or situation, but witty comments relating to the issue will help reduce fearful thoughts and put people at ease.
Respect – All too often I’ve heard manager’s refer to their team as Half-wits, or other derogative remarks (I’m sure you will know of similar expressions). These are not only discriminatory but disrespectful. This in turn leads to distrust and further lack of respect. Here’s the catch, if you think that, you will receive that! To improve performance change your own thought process to thinking ‘positively’ towards staff and their abilities. Acknowledge people’s contributions. Offer assistance rather than reprimand for those who are unsure of what’s expected or lack in skillset.
Praise in Public, Reprimand in Private – We all know variations on this saying but how does it relate to you? I have seen people in authority too frequently belittle people in front of others but to what end does it serve? All too often it’s easier to criticise and take things that go well for granted. Consider the way you currently manage both negative and positive situations and start to adopt this philosophy.
Vulnerability – Showing that you may make mistakes or that you are wrong isn’t a weakness but makes you human and thus, more approachable.
Self-belief – Confidence can affect us all! If you put yourself or abilities down, it’s going to be tricky picking yourself up. Whether it be developing a small business or stepping into new Executive roles. A great saying is “Fake it ‘til you make it” or “Act as if” would be a milder interpretation. This isn’t to say be false but encourages a self-perpetuating growth in your confidence to overcome any hurdle.

Other areas to also consider include focusing on the big picture, being authentic and accessible all while being an independent thinker who looks for solutions rather than focusing on problems.

Coaching to success specialise in Management (Procedure) & Leadership (People) and whether it be yourself looking to get that edge over internal or external competition or simply looking for better ways to help manage the business, contact us by calling Neil Nutburn on 07761 187238 or send an email to info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk to arrange a free, no obligation consultation.

Our business is about your success and your future successes are in your hands so give us a call so we can help you turn the ideas into reality.

Jul 06 2015

Do you listen, ‘Truly’ listen to what the other person is saying?

You may have come across a book called “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by the recently deceased Stephen Covey, if not, it’s a good book for those wishing to become truly effective

Out of the 7 habits, one of my personal favourites is #5 “First Seek to Understand, THEN to be understood” and this is what this week’s feature is about.

In the early days of sales and retail, I soon learned that your sales would improve once you started to LISTEN to clients’ needs and NOT what I had to sell. Whether it was a ‘Deal of the week’ item or not, if it fitted their needs, great, they got double satisfaction but first and foremost the art of Listening was paramount to a successful sale.

As a coach, this is a skillset which has been enhanced to insure I hear what isn’t being said as well as what, on the surface is! From here, further incisive questions are asked, then more listening is required to reach a specific objective for clients to obtain their goals.

So how can we improve our listening skills both at work and home to help others and, in turn, ourselves as a result of this? First, look at the following questions and respond honestly with as many answers you believe relevant against each one.

How effective are my Listening Skills?

When listening to someone, I’m likely to:
I interrupt people when:
If I had to choose between speaking and listening, I’d chose to …… because:
Listening comes easy to me when:
When people express their emotions, I feel:
If I can’t have my say, I feel:
I find it easy to listen to people when:
I become easily distracted when listening if:
People I tend to find it difficult to listen to include:
The best listener I know is …… because:

Now review what you have learned about yourself as a listener and list these out.

Once accomplished, complete the following statements:

I know I actively listen well when:
Habits I find irritating in a person speaking comprise of:
To become even more effective at listening, I need to:

With a clearer understanding of your own foibles and strengths, write down what you will work on to improve your skillset.

How often have you started a conversation about something that has happened to you and before you even finish what you’re saying, another party has taken over the story with their own examples? We are all guilty of having what others say trigger our episodic memory but some of us learn that this conversation is not about Our needs but actually to ‘Listen’, in full to the other party.

So once you have mastered the skill of listening, the next step is to quell the desire to re-iterate our own examples into the situation unless it will be ‘truly’ beneficial to the other party.

If you are finding that there doesn’t appear to be anyone around to really listen to your concerns, ideas or plans or feel that an external person to your current situation who will ‘Listen’, truly listen to what you have to say, please contact the author, Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk and if you’re online, have a look at his interview video at https://youtu.be/RvCwOL4hPco where you’ll be assured a warm welcome to discuss how we can help.

Mar 02 2015

How do you handle rejection in business?

We all know rejection can be hard to handle and in services such as mine, where the open minded can see the benefits that a good coach can bring but some can’t, therefore, rejection is an element of moving forward for me and especially where people don’t really understand the benefits on offer.

You can’t avoid rejection whether it be in relationships, life or work but the positive is that it helps with development and self-education as you identify areas for adaptation and change.

More often than not though, it is the feeling that affects our emotions and emotions aren’t logical, so let’s put some rationality into the equation.

Don’t take it personally – ‘Personally’ is an emotional state and often rejection makes us feel as if it is ourselves that is under attack. Self-doubt creeps in, ‘How could I have presented it better?’, ‘What went wrong?’, ‘Why didn’t they like me?’

Now look at it differently – what was it about the proposal/idea that was rejected?

Frequently it’s not about the person but the offering that is being rejected yet we apply rejection to our thoughts and they in turn connect to emotions! It’s often a simple case that what is being proposed doesn’t meet the criteria so take yourself out of the equation and then re-assess the situation.

Focus on control – Those with Internal Focus believe they have control over what happens in their lives. Those with External Focus believe it’s others, chance or even fate that have control. So decide whether you will allow others to influence the way you feel or take control of it yourself.

This may sound a tad harsh but maybe it needs to be said to ourselves!

Learn – Look at this logically and learn from the rejection. Whether it was simply a case of the presentation could have been better or not matching the recipient’s needs etc., gather ‘facts’.

If you can establish what the reason was (removing emotion!) for the rejection, you will be able to improve thereafter. Carry out a self-analysis of areas you believe contributed to the rejection.

Better still, don’t make assumptions, ask! Make it clear you have accepted the rejection but in wishing to learn from this experience ask what didn’t work for them. You may be surprised to find out how freely the recipient will be in giving you this information (if you’re willing to ask).

I have been dumbfounded on occasions with reasons that I simply wouldn’t have even considered. I have certainly been educated in not to assume!

In business, rejection is part of day to day activities. Your resilience to deal with it, learn from it and take action on your new found knowledge is the key.

As that old expression goes, you can please some of the people some of the time… so it’s not all about you as a person but more likely a mismatch between what or how you are making the offering and not an assault on you or your emotions!

Coaching to Success helps you find yourself, give support and offers clarity to what you are aiming to achieve with the means of getting there. For further information, simply call Neil on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk for an informal conversation to see how we can help increase your Locus of control or other matters concerning business development.

Sep 29 2014

5 Chairs to conflict resolution!

I got myself into a potentially heated discussion the other day through a dismissive comment I made that hit a raw nerve!

After receiving a barrage of aggression, I realised how easy it is to upset someone. So what did I do? Stand and fight back, but to what end? Just to prove I was superior in the use of the English language (that’s not to say I was!), only to create the catalyst for a break down in our relationship over a petty remark?

Now, I realised that I was at fault and should have refrained from using flippant remarks. The situation dispersed straight away when I put my hands up and announced “my bad, I only meant to make light of the situation”. At this point, the hypothetical inferno that could have potentially gone out of control was eliminated.

All too often, we allow simple situations to spiral with both parties wanting the upper hand. It’s not a sign of weakness to back down, more of strength, as long as you are doing it for the right reason, ie I was in the wrong, not to simply appease the other person.

So what happens when it’s gone beyond the niceties and there is a definite issue, with seemingly little resolve due to the fact that “I’m not in conflict, they’re simply WRONG!”

This tool is best handled with someone to arbitrate and ask the questions. It involves 4 chairs facing in on each side of a square and 1 chair to the side.

Person one. Directly opposite is…
Person two. The chairs on either side will be…
The company/boss/family and opposite…
Outsiders looking in.

The 5th chair is for person ‘2’. Observing only.

Person ‘1’ sits in chair 1. Questions are asked concerning their views, reasons and thoughts behind what has started this conflict. The arbitrator’s task is to ask questions while insuring person 2 doesn’t interrupt.

Once person 1 has exhausted their thoughts, they are then asked to sit in chair 2 and express how they think person 2 feels about the situation. This is the critical stage for person 2 to listen and realise how their actions affect the other person.

When complete, asked them to move to chair 3. How would the company/boss or family look at what it going on and eventually to chair 4 representing someone who could potentially be effected by this.

Once complete, the whole exercise is repeated with Person 2 starting off in chair 2, then 1, 3 and 4 and the first participant in the observation chair.

When completed, all parties are brought together having a clearer understanding of cause and effect, working to resolve issues as logic has had an opportunity to step in rather than allowing emotion to gain full control.

The physical movement between chairs is an NLP trick that triggers the brain to realise they are leaving one post behind and can see clearer in the next post.

Debate adds energy to new potential ideas. Conflict dampens the thought process and the potential of moving forward. This can be costly not just for business but the morale too.

Coaching to success know the right ‘incisive’ questions to ask as we’re trained in this process to alleviate the tension and build on answers given. If you have conflict and are looking for a resolve, then make your initial enquiry with Neil either via the phone on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk for a friendly, informal chat to see how we can help.