Coaching to Success

Our business is your success

Decision Making

5 Chairs to conflict resolution!

I got myself into a potentially heated discussion the other day through a dismissive comment I made that hit a raw nerve!

After receiving a barrage of aggression, I realised how easy it is to upset someone. So what did I do? Stand and fight back, but to what end? Just to prove I was superior in the use of the English language (that’s not to say I was!), only to create the catalyst for a break down in our relationship over a petty remark?

Now, I realised that I was at fault and should have refrained from using flippant remarks. The situation dispersed straight away when I put my hands up and announced “my bad, I only meant to make light of the situation”. At this point, the hypothetical inferno that could have potentially gone out of control was eliminated.

All too often, we allow simple situations to spiral with both parties wanting the upper hand. It’s not a sign of weakness to back down, more of strength, as long as you are doing it for the right reason, ie I was in the wrong, not to simply appease the other person.

So what happens when it’s gone beyond the niceties and there is a definite issue, with seemingly little resolve due to the fact that “I’m not in conflict, they’re simply WRONG!”

This tool is best handled with someone to arbitrate and ask the questions. It involves 4 chairs facing in on each side of a square and 1 chair to the side.

  1. Person one. Directly opposite is…
  2. Person two. The chairs on either side will be…
  3. The company/boss/family and opposite…
  4. Outsiders looking in.

The 5th chair is for person ‘2’. Observing only.

Person ‘1’ sits in chair 1. Questions are asked concerning their views, reasons and thoughts behind what has started this conflict. The arbitrator’s task is to ask questions while insuring person 2 doesn’t interrupt.

Once person 1 has exhausted their thoughts, they are then asked to sit in chair 2 and express how they think person 2 feels about the situation. This is the critical stage for person 2 to listen and realise how their actions affect the other person.

When complete, asked them to move to chair 3. How would the company/boss or family look at what it going on and eventually to chair 4 representing someone who could potentially be effected by this.

Once complete, the whole exercise is repeated with Person 2 starting off in chair 2, then 1, 3 and 4 and the first participant in the observation chair.

When completed, all parties are brought together having a clearer understanding of cause and effect, working to resolve issues as logic has had an opportunity to step in rather than allowing emotion to gain full control.

The physical movement between chairs is an NLP trick that triggers the brain to realise they are leaving one post behind and can see clearer in the next post.

Debate adds energy to new potential ideas. Conflict dampens the thought process and the potential of moving forward. This can be costly not just for business but the morale too.

Coaching to success know the right ‘incisive’ questions to ask as we’re trained in this process to alleviate the tension and build on answers given. If you have conflict and are looking for a resolve, then make your initial enquiry with Neil either via the phone on 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk for a friendly, informal chat to see how we can help.

5 things to consider when attempting that all important decision

Historically I’ve had to make decisions and kept looking at the options without really knowing what the blazes to do. Instead of gaining clarity, the more I looked, the more frustrated I became!

Knowing I’m not alone on this, today’s article is based on how to put some steps into action to aid that final decision, so here goes.

You know what it’s like, you make correct decisions, woohoo, everything pops up with that wonderful fragrance of roses. However, when it goes wrong, all you can smell is that stuff you put around the base of them! So surely it’s imperative that we offer some mindful consideration that isn’t blinded entirely by emotional outcome.

Here’s Coaching to Success’ hit-list of things you should do to take steps in achieving the required goal.

  1. The Gathering – I’m not reminiscing about Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert in Highlander but talking about information! Look within yourself as well as factual or logical sources. Are you comfortable with the potential outcome and have you the skill-set to manage it. What information do you need? Write these down so they’re not scrambling for positioning or confusing your thought process.
  1. What else? – As you gather your data and information, be sure not to become blinded by a singular path to find the answer! By this, I mean that we often will find alternative ways of doing the thing we seek. Keep these and add them as possibilities to your list.
  1. Get the scales out! – All areas of decision can be measured and these values weighed. For example, create a pros and cons list such that you rate each item by a score of up to 10.Write a split list of pros on one side and cons the other. Try not to be biased but look at each item independently and weight it according to your chosen criteria. Now bring the emotional elements on how it will affect you with the practical, logical or financial ones. Tot up all the scores to see which comes out strongest.
  1. Bite the bullet, make the decision – How often do we jump the gun (there’s a theme here!) and make a rash decision that doesn’t work out as hoped? From this, we assume other decisions will end in similar outcomes, however, using the above, your decisions won’t be so random but rather calculated!
  1. Take action – Create a timeline, a plan with dates and order. This is your measure to insure that your decision is correct. As part of this sequence, set in review dates or times to asses and make sure that your decision is still the correct one. If it’s a purchase, allow time before making it, checking there are no other unconsidered areas.

These are but an informal way of introducing ways to help decision
making. Coaching to Success utilise these and other tools to help you with the process. Al
ong with other areas of making positive change, we invite you contact Neil Nutburn on 07761 187238 or email to info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk to arrange a free, no obligation consultation to discuss
areas we can help you prosper.

Our business is about your success and your future successes are in your hands so give us a call so we can help you turn the ideas into reality.

How do you define a good leader? 15 areas to assess and 5 to adopt…

Is it true that leaders are born, not created? Be careful not to misinterpret the vociferous amongst us as being good leaders. Natural personality often means these people end up at the front, leadership is actually a set of techniques and skills anyone can learn to adopt.

A good leader will require excellent management skills, whereas a good manager, may not actually require leadership skills!

Having looked across many different areas from the legal fraternity, general offices, retail to call centres, I am amazed at how many are feeling downtrodden and lacking enthusiasm to do better, why is this? The reality is often a need in improvement of leadership skills!
Leadership is about the people, management the process. Another observation I’ve seen is management need to do things right whereas leadership requires you to do the right things.

So to help, here’s a list of 15 leaders’ typical behaviour pattern. Give
yourself a mark, or assess someone who is in your organisation that is classed as a leader, out of ten and scribble it against each.

  • Patience to allow time for individuals to change
  • Attitude to earn rather than demand respect
  • Confident
  • Mistakes are dealt with justly allowing lessons to be learned
  • Exceptional role models
  • Deal with causes of issues rather than firefighting symptoms
  • Willing to upset the equilibrium for positive change
  • They say what they mean, and mean what they say
  • Decisive
  • Seek and endorse ‘new ideas’ culture
  • Do not create ‘favourites’ or ‘cliques’
  • Refuse to blindly follow the norm
  • Understand importance of adequate rest and relaxation
  • Focused on positive outcomes rather than negative personality traits
  • Face reality and if it’s not great, they don’t pretend that it is.

The maximum possible score is 150. Any areas below a score of 7, questions should be asked pertaining to what’s needed to do to raise the level. Below 5 and urgent attention is required!

Great leadership isn’t something learnt over night. It is a malleable form, growing and developing. More natural rather than simply logical. It’s a change of belief and a re-adjustment of values. Although I consider myself to be an exceptional leader, hmm! I still refer back to the basics to see where I can improve!

Talking of which, here are 5 areas I use towards becoming that better leader. Even the most successful leaders among us can use this as a reminder.

  1. Focus on the team members regarding the framework of the organisation’s mission, developing a clear vision.
  2. Be realistic with goals and tasks as well as expectations
  3. Set an excellent personal example for others to follow
  4. Authorise staff to make the vision a reality and support them
  5. Focus on team behaviour with positive expectations

These are but a few small areas to build upon. There are other tools and exercises Coaching to Success can help you or members of your team to develop with the end goal of being so much more productive resulting not only in more profitability but a happier workplace where growth simply escalates.

Contact Neil to arrange your free consultation either by email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk or calling 07761 187238 and let’s work together to create the ideology of excellence in leadership and the rewards that this will bring.

“Ready, Steady, G… Hang on, before I do, maybe if…”

How many times have I historically set about doing something then haven’t due to those voices in my head telling me otherwise (these are different from those other voices in horror films … but then again!), well, it’s a rhetorical question but how many times have you considered

  • Changing your job/career
  • Writing that report you know will be a massive task … but I’ll just clear my desk first
  • Needing immediate gratification” – Procrastination loves this as it gives you an excuse to do something more interesting.
  • “I could do with some help on this”. You end up waiting until somebody else takes over. Some do this their whole lives.
  • Wait on something else – “I can’t complete this report until John gives me the figures” (Guilty! Rather than go get them, I’ve used this excuse)
  • Be passive, wait for fate or circumstance to rescue you from having to act.

 

Then there’s the factors that cause us to cease moving forward:

  • “I don’t have anyone to go to for advice, support or encouragement.”
  • “I didn’t know I was supposed to do that.” (Ignorance)
  • “What if I fail?”, then again, “What if I succeed?”
  • “No one really cares whether I do this or not.” (Apathy)
  • “It’s too risky. In this economy I can’t take the chance to…”
  • “This other opportunity will never come again, I can’t pass it up.” (Delay tactic)
  • “I’m too old. I wish I had thought about this 20 years ago.”
  • “I don’t know how to do it.” (Skill Deficiency)
  • “I just can’t seem to get started (Inertia)

This is a definite mix of both areas where confidence is lacking and procrastination, which comes in many guises, and is the mother of all temptresses to take us away from the tasks we really do need to do.

So how do we beat these? Consider these to give some focus:

  • Learn what you’re good at – Recognise your skill-set and build confidence through competence. Ask work colleagues what they see as your strengths.
  • Play ‘Follow the leader’ – Look at those who have gone before you, gain confidence from what they have achieved
  • Evidence! – One of my favourites. Work from hard facts of what you have achieved as opposed to what you think will happen. Positive affirmations every time.
  • “What exactly am I supposed to do?” – Gain clarity
  • “Why have I been given this?” – Establish the facts
  • “How does this fit into the big picture?” – Relevance of ideas
  • “How it will be measured” – Give it worth and value for the time put in
  • “How will my efforts affect the work of others?” – Responsibility.

If you or members of your team wish to move forward, we’re here to help. Simply call to arrange your free consultation and see how you can help make those changes! Neil looks forward to hearing from you either by calling 07761 187238 or email neil@coachingtosuccess.co.uk. We’re affiliated to the Growth Accelerator scheme, so some businesses can obtain government funding too!

Delegate! Who to? No-one else can do it as well … Can they?

Many years ago, I foolishly believed that only I knew everything and could do the task effectively whereas others who reported to me weren’t up to it or to the same standard. Surprising, the company grew once I started to delegate, trust those around me and act like the director that I’d been employed to be. Does this possibly ring true to you or do you recognise the traits?

Often we feel like we should be seen to be working with massive workloads, however, efficiency is all about insuring the operation runs smoothly. If you don’t delegate tasks that others can do, it builds distrust, feeling of reduced worth and despondency.

Here are 5 simple steps to help you along this path of delegation:

  1. WEAKNESS – It is not a sign of weakness to delegate. Know your people and show trust. Maybe there’s feeling of shame, guilt or wanting your own badge of honour showing what a martyr you are. Be truthful with yourself as to the reason why you don’t delegate, it IS NOT a weakness to delegate but shows signs of trust and responsibility… ok, stick by your thoughts there’s no one responsible enough to hand it to! Been there, seen it, even got the badge and then proved totally wrong.
  2. DUMP THE EGO! – No, you’re not the only person in the whole world that can do that job. Ok, it may not be done to the standard YOU BELIEVE to be correct but we’re all different and with guidance and training, someone else can do specific roles and possibly even have the ability to do it faster or even better than you – there’s a thought!
  3. BE OBJECTIVE NOT PROCEDURAL – Two forms of management, Micro and hands off, both equally incorrect! Delegate the task with the desired outcome you’re looking to achieve. Demonstrate how to do this and be approachable. Indicate that they can do it as they wish but the outcome with the objective being what is at stake. Set SMART goals. Allow sufficient time for them to be innovative in what they are doing or learn their own way.
  4. PATIENCE – … “my backside, I’m gonna kill someone!” They’re not likely to get it right first time without making errors? This is the learning curve. Don’t assume it will be carried out perfectly first time round as if they already have a track record of success, this isn’t their fault it’s yours for assuming too much without giving the FULL guidance and support needed in the first instance.
  5. RECOGNITION – When everything goes well, bestow credit where it’s due. Superiors will see how well you manage your team/staff, your delegate will see their worth in not only your eyes but the firm/company’s too. Notoriety is a reward in its own right. Say Thank You and truly show your gratitude, this feeling of appreciation will certainly do you well when the next task comes along.

Coaching to Success wok with Directors and Managers to help understand how to let tasks go enabling concentration on what they should be doing. If this is an area you feel you or members of your team would benefit from, take that first step by speaking with Neil (07761 187238) or throw him an email at info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk… We’re affiliated to the Growth Accelerator scheme and are here to help.