Coaching to Success

Our business is your success

Beliefs

7 TIPS TO DEAL WITH CONFRONTATION

How many times have you got caught up in an argument that if just one of you had been less defensive, could have been resolved or at least diffused, if handled better?

Here’s 7 tips on how to control your own demeanour and, in turn, the potential landmine that an argument can be.

  1. Take a deep breath just before the confrontation or during it. This lowers your heartbeat and blood pressure.
  2. Breathe a little slower, again, the amount of adrenaline running through your body also drops.
  3. Take 5 minutes, if you can, quickly rehearse what you are going to say to someone. Make key points of your argument.
  4. Get to know what triggers your anger. Prepare a new response to that trigger. By doing this you are aware of the buttons people can push to elicit a certain response.
  5. Make the person aware of how confrontational they are being. Saying something like ‘why are you shouting at me?’, ‘Why are you being so aggressive’. This turns the energy back on the person and lets them look at themselves for a minute, this might calm them down as people get lost in the moment.
  6. Turn all the attention back on the person you are arguing with. ‘You seem really angry about that!’. This can have the same effect of point 5.
  7. Don’t get sucked into their arguments. The purpose of an argument is to manipulate you into losing one, thereby showing the other person they are superior.

Consider this story…

I drove past someone who lived on our estate and he was walking his dog. He was on the pavement as I drove past. I pulled into the driveway then heard this guy shouting at me. He walked aggressively and I prepared myself for a confrontation as I hadn’t a clue what had happened. The conversation went as follows;

“You soaked my dog”, I looked at his dog and suddenly realised I must have driven through a puddle. Inside, I questioned the absurdity of this man looking for a fight because some water had gone over his dog. I said

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.”’

“You did soak him, you went through a puddle and soaked him.”

“I said, apologies for soaking your dog I didn’t realise” repeating what I had said before. His demeanour changed.

“Well you did and I’m pissed off!”

“I can see you are, but it was an accident”. As he turner to walk away, he added “

I’m sorry I was so angry, it’s just it happened last night as well with somebody else.”

“It’s okay, I understand. See you later” I replied.

This shows that different things annoy different people, but it’s easy to deal with their behaviour if you point out how they are behaving.

If there are anger issues within your workplace, give Neil a call on 07761 187238 or email info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk to arrange a free, no obligation consultation and discuss what issues are affecting you.

Bust out of the OLD habits… Break into creating new ‘POSITIVE’ ones

A sense of accomplishment and positive forward momentum can be achieved by small constructive actions carried out on a daily or routine basis. These smaller changes, these daily habits, these ‘Success’ practises can form the foundation to achieve major positive changes.

Identify 6 to 8 key areas of your work. Now ‘List’ and ‘Score’ those particular areas of your life where 10 is perfectly satisfied and less satisfied would be 1. Here are some of the possible areas that people identify to work on. You could choose from: Relationships (manager/colleagues/team/subordinates), Influence, Leadership, WIIFM (what’s in it for me – why am I doing it), Financial Reward (salary/bonus/benefits), Status (car/job title/benefits), Work skills (ability to do the job), Management skills (delivering projects/deadlines), Communication skills, Work-Life Balance, Stress, Clarity (of what’s expected/career path/boundaries) to name but a few, what’s yours?, it doesn’t have to be from this list though.

Draw a big circle and section it into as many areas you are looking to work on. Mark from 1 near Wheelthe centre, to 10 being the outer rim. Write on the outside the heading of area wishing to work on and mark across each segment (ie from 3 to 3, 7 to 7 etc) according to your score. Once complete, you will have a very disjointed or un-even shape within the bigger circle.

In Coaching, this is known as the ‘Wheel’ and we use this to allow clients to consider what actions that, if done on a regular basis, would make a difference for each of your areas requiring change. The wheel doesn’t need to go to a perfect ten, but, what you’re looking to achieve is an overall balance to make your journey a little more comfortable,

Try to think laterally if you initially get stuck for some ideas. Look at different areas within your life or work. For example, feeling lethargic and need an energy boost? Consider going to the gym ‘X’ times per week… Set a time each morning to handle emails to avoid interrupting your thought process during the day etc. Remember, small changes can bring big rewards.

Consider social & personal activities as well. Book some time out mentally as well as in your diary. How about going to the cinema? Spending thirty minutes a day with your partner and/or your kids? Putting your feet up with a good book for twenty minutes… the list of ‘New’ habits you can create are endless but the benefit can be almost immeasurable!

Coaching to success can draw out these ‘New’ habits so give Neil a call on 07761 187238 or email info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk to arrange a free, no obligation consultation and discuss what benefits this change will bring.

Recognise the inspiration before ‘they’ leave!

Finding ideas, some would say, is the easy part but seeing them through is where it gets tricky!

Who are those ‘hidden’ gems amongst your team(s), whether internal or external? Are you hearing their voices through the other noises of a busy day? Can you spot those individuals, those free thinkers who don’t simply conform to existing processes?

It’s energised individuals with the positive drive. It is these innovators, internal entrepreneurs, that not only have the ideas but the energy to see them through.

So why do these people leave? Up to 70% of successful entrepreneurs, self-employed people, get their ideas whilst in employment but then leave due to the lack of processes that enable them to either pitch their idea or have it heard. Be honest with yourself, do you TRULY welcome new ideas or do you believe what you have established is the best and only way forward?

Here is 5 patterns of successful companies who adopt ‘intrapreneurship’ (inside entrepreneurs following organisational goals)

Freedom and not just Money: Intrapreneurs enjoy the freedom of being able to influence organisational goals. Money is a necessity but is more of a tally or, a reward for how well they are contributing.

Photosynthesis: Intrapreneurs feed the idea and cultivate it before releasing it. They develop it but share it only when they feel it is ready to provide, what in effect will be, the ‘glucose’ to business survival.

Pivoting: The genius within! Intrapreneurs see things the rest of us don’t and aren’t scared to suggest or, when they become their own bosses through entrepreneurialism, turn them into reality. Look at Sir James Dyson, who, in 1993 was ignored by companies such as Hoover and Electrolux for his design of a new vacuum cleaner (now expanded to hand dryers and desk fans) and can now be found in over 50 countries with 3,100+ employees and turnover in excess of £1b in 2011.

Visual conception: Like sponges, intrapreneurs use all forms of visual stimulation from design to mind-mapping and thought-showers (brainstorming to you and I) and will look at all potential parameters without settling on the first idea. Aware that initial emotions may outweigh the logic, they allow time for it to develop symbiotically and to show it’s true benefits.

What’s next?: These people strive to see what’s next. Constantly looking for betterment and positive change. Very clear, highly engaged and always learning new ways so that they are not left watching others make those changes that propel organisations forward.

Maybe it’s time to open your eyes and your ears to those around you and find those lions among your team(s).

Coaching to Success help organisations succeed through change and more often than not, it’s through your own ‘Intrapreneurs’ so contact Neil on 07761 187238 or email info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk to arrange a free, no obligation consultation and discuss what benefits change will bring.

If you want to win ‘by-election’!, then you have to first listen

Politics isn’t everybody’s cup of tea but just as a comparison, the current political situation in Eastleigh, Nr Southampton is all about who can shout the loudest, parties all trying to make their point heard and this is no different in the world of commerce… It all comes down to ‘communication’.

In coaching/mentoring, we often refer to ‘Two of these and one of these, use in that order’ referring to our ears and mouth. As an individual, business owner, company, solicitor or practice then this advice rings true too and to succeed, you first have to listen … not just hear but ‘truly’ listen! In this age of whiz-by technology, can we honestly say we do as the next distraction flashes across our retinas?

So, to win the hearts and minds of people, first listen. Here’s 5 tips to help you achieve this:

  • LET ME PROVE I’M LISTENING – Body language and actions that show you are. The occasional ‘Uh-huh’ or ‘yes’ encourages the speaker to continue. Use facial expressions appropriately like smiling. Nod in affirmation. Create a welcoming and open posture.
  • I AM PAYING ATTENTION – Refrain from reading/glancing at those emails or reports that find their way onto your desk. Look at the speaker not at other things. Don’t predict and mentally prepare a rebuttal. Look at the speaker’s body language and listen to that too! Try to put aside other distracting thoughts.
  • I WILL RESPOND APPROPRIATELY – Refrain from letting emotions over-run and take over what you really need to say. By all means, assert your opinion but do this respectfully. Do not hide, be open and honest with your reply and remember to always treat others in the same respect that you wished to be treated yourself.
  • LET ME GIVE YOU SOME FEEDBACK – A great way to repeat back what you have heard or your interpretation of what you ‘believe’ was meant. Turn it back so the speaker knows you are actually listening and has chance to make further clarification should it be needed. Use phrases such as “What I’m hearing is…”, “My understanding of this is …”. Every now and then, summarise back to the speaker just to ensure they know you are listening. And remember, if you are starting to get emotional about what is being said, do not make assumptions and react but ask for further clarification.
  • OK, LET ME HOLD BACK ON JUDGEMENT – As the ratio was stated before, 2-to1. Listen more intently before interrupting to make your point. The speaker will more than likely be put off a logical thought process in their deliverance and the outcome will likely be a more emotive conversation without being able to gain the full understanding. Allow the speaker to complete what they are saying ‘before’ raising questions.

It may sound easy when someone asks of you whether you are an ‘active’ listener… it isn’t. If it were, maybe our politicians would gain much more credence by listening and not just shouting. As a person, you will also gain the respect of those around you whilst also understanding what the people want.

Coaching to Success does just that, we listen first then ask incisive questions to dig further to the truth of what is being said. Should you be looking to develop your business, start off by talking to someone who will listen to your needs, call us to arrange a free consultation by contacting Neil (07761 187238) or throw us an email at info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk. We’re here to help.

MULTITASKING! – Does it Really help you get more done?

To seemingly increase our productivity, many of us multitask with activities like being on the phone to a client/customer while reading through emails. The call ends and as we write up notes, we call a colleague. They answer and during that call we enter appointments in the diary/outlook as well as work through figures for a quote/invoice etc!

People who multitask are seen as effective as well as efficient in this hectic world that we’ve made for ourselves because we all know we get more done when we multitask… don’t we?

The Allegory of Productivity Through Multitasking

In simple terms, Multitasking doesn’t make us more productive! It IS a MYTH.

Studies show we can waste up to 40% of our time multitasking. Not saving time. Not being creative. Wasting it! Contrary to belief, we can’t actually focus on more than one task at a time. But we think we can so that’s the route we take.

Here’s a thought. Try having an emotionally charged conversation about whether it’s problematic or not to have horsemeat in our processed lasagne (hmm, rather topical at the moment) or something based around work that is a bit contentious and do this while writing an important report needing to be presented to the board or partners! Extreme but it sets an obvious benchmark for something that isn’t so obvious due to the extremes, nonetheless, even smaller tasks are affected.

What can I do?

A quick question… when you’ve accomplished something that you have allowed yourself to give full attention to, how satisfied did you feel. Also, to what level of standard was it achieved?

So what can be done? “It’s not that easy, I have soooooo many tasks, jobs, people to see over. I have to multitask” I hear the cries call out. Okay, I’m as guilty as the next person when it comes to attempting more than one task at a time but areas that I look at trying to help me, fall into the following:

EMAILS – Turn off audible or visual warnings that an email had arrived. Helps avoid the temptation to continually check each and every new one.

MONOTASK SETTING – Focus on one task at a time. Although ‘Emergencies’ may arise, can you assess their urgency? Do they all need to be done NOW?

PROCRASTINATION – One of my favourite words! Try to guide your wandering thoughts back to where or what you are doing. If thoughts drift, acknowledge what you’re doing and a little self-talk of getting back onto the item in hand will at least help you regain focus.

BLOCK PLAN – knowing you have emails or calls to make, block in time throughout your day to accomplish these and do it then.

AVOID THE DARK SIDE – (I hope that’s not infringing copyright! hehe). When you are expecting to carry out a task, avoid wandering just to ‘check’ text or emails or even voicemails. Take a deep breathe, resist and get back to the task in hand.

STOP JUGGLING – You will inevitably drift back into to quagmire of multitasking and when you do, take a short break from everything! Allow your mind to re-focus, the stress levels to reduce and concentration to reframe itself.

PRIORITISE – Not only important but ‘urgent’ issues will come, there is no escaping this, however, take note of where you are concerning your current task. Jot notes to help you pick it up again and then deal with the ‘urgent’ (and truly assess its urgency over possible distraction or enjoyment (procrastination!)) issue. Once complete, return to the original task and pick up from where you left off as a result of the notes you made.

With any hope, this blog will have helped towards re-looking at the way we think about multitasking and how it actually reduces the ‘quality’ of our work. The fact it doesn’t normally save but creates more time accomplishing a given task and this is as a result of reducing our ability to focus.

Coaching to Success fully understands that this isn’t going to be an overnight cure for the multitasking junkies, however, with luck and some concentration, it may help you towards focusing better on tasks. We are here to support you in this and many other ways.

Why not read some of the historic blogs again, have a look at the web and then pick up the phone or send an email for an informal chat about how we can help you succeed in your goals or aspirations. Call Neil Nutburn on 07761 187238 or send an email to info@coachingtosuccess.co.uk to arrange a free, no obligation consultation.

Our business is about your success and your future successes are in your hands so give us a call so we can help you turn the ideas into reality.