Neil Nutburn

Happy New Year to one and all, I hope 2012 brings you everything you desire whether it be in your work or personal life.

So, have you committed yourself to setting that ‘New Year’s Resolution’ yet? Is it real though or something that you are wanting to work towards, an idea, a concept, a wish? … or, have you actually set a GOAL with actions to achieve this illusive objective. Now the cruncher to succeeding is setting a ‘timeline’ against all of these actions.

Try to refrain from making statements like ‘First step will be achieved BY ***’, and modify this to ‘‘First step will be started at **am/pm on 21/**/2012 and I will spend 3hrs to accomplish it BY ***’.

And if there are elements that need to be continued, set a review time/date to see how you are progressing and that you are on target.

Here’s a question for you to consider. WHO are you making these changes for and do you TRULY want to change? It may seem like an obvious question but for these changes to really take effect, YOU must want to make the change as this is the key to making it happen. If you’re doing it for someone else, look at what benefit it will have for you and then there’s a much greater chance of commitment. With change comes discomfort, if it didn’t, the goal would have been achieved some time ago and you will be stretching yourself out of your normal comfort zone. If you are aware of this before you set off, then you will have a more likely chance of achieving it.

Let’s have a look at this Commitment! Ok, we’ve got this far but what method are you going to use to commit to the resolution? It’s not that a strange question, are you going to make it open to all to see showing your accountability via social networks such as texting people you know, putting a statement on Facebook or on your blog or even stick a note up in a public area at work or will you keep it more personal by a Post-it note on your PC, fridge etc, creating an action list and having this visible. There are a myriad ways including Goal or Mind Mapping for those who like to use both lists and visual aids. Whatever your preferred method is, showing a form of accountability whether personal or public is a great motivator to success.

Although this isn’t a foolproof plan, considering elements towards achieving your ‘resolution’ rather than simply creating a ‘wish’ will certainly help towards a successful outcome.

In summary:

• Know what YOU want and aim towards it
• Set a time line of a START and an end
• Where applicable, set in review dates
• Insure your goal is YOURS and NOT someone else’s for it to truly work
• Make a Commitment so that you become accountable
• Know that for change to happen, you will have to have to step out of your comfort zone

So here’s to 2012 and all that it brings and the changes you will make. I would love to hear from you so why not send me your thoughts on what your New Year’s Resolutions is to be (commitment!) or post a note on Facebook and we’re here to help you achieve those goals should you need that extra motivation.

 1. There is a psychological contract between client & coach

(Contract = choice to be/not to be involved. The emotional unwritten contract between coach and client. Awareness of each others’ roles & expectations. Willingness to join into the coaching agreement. Showing up for sessions. Answering questions honestly. Taking actions agreed)

 2. The client is incongruent, vulnerable or anxious

(If they don’t recognise they have a gap between what they want and how to get there, then they have no drive … Wheel of life is a good tool to extract this. Refers to the client’s “state”. Client needs awareness of an incongruence – Eg wanting a goal but inactive towards achieving it Current behaviour is incongruent with their self-concept – Eg knowing they’re capable, but sabotaging their success – Creates a level of anxiety which is desired to be reduced. A client in denial or unaware of incongruency has not willingly joined a coaching contract – Eg someone who has been nominated for coaching and has not accepted WIIFM).

 3. The coach is genuine in the coaching relationship

(The Coach needs to be a congruent, genuine integrated person Eg not presenting a facade, either knowingly or unknowingly. Coach needs to be aware of his own feelings during the coaching conversation, but Coach shouldn’t be expressing his own feelings during the coaching session. Coach should explore any feelings that get in the way of empathy or unconditional positive regard in a peer or supervision discussion, Eg feeling personal rejection when a client appears uncommitted to the coaching).

 4. The coach experiences unconditional positive regard for the client

(Coach needs to become aware of one’s own judgemental connotations and put these to one side and not to use ‘leading’ questions due to own experiences, knowledge, reasons etc. A warm acceptance of each aspect of the client’s experience as being part of that client No conditions of acceptance – Eg I lose patience with clients if they don’t do their agreed actions.  Involves accepting a client’s expressions of negativity, fear etc – Eg allowing clients to talk about barriers, obstacles, challenges, irritations).

 5. The coach experiences an empathetic understanding of the client’s world and endeavours to communicate this understanding to their client

(To sense the client’s world as if it were the coach’s own, but without ever losing the “as if” quality. To sense the client’s anger, fear or confusion as if it were the coach’s own, but without the coach’s own anger, fear or confusion getting bound up in it. Only then can the coach comment and add clarity and possible alternative meanings)

 6. The client perceives that the coach understands what’s going on for the client.